Untethering
I transferred to a new school in third grade. The playground at the new school had a couple of tether ball poles. I had never seen one before. My interest in the game and how it was played grew quickly. Most of the time, boys would monopolize them at recess and if I ever tried it myself, it was when no one else was around. I longed to be big enough and strong enough to be in the rotation of players. To be loud and carefree enough to compete with other kids watching.
The relationship between the ball, the rope, the pole, and the ground it was anchored in fascinated me. The way the taller boys would smack the ball toward the ground so it would fly far above the head of a shorter opponent on the other side of the pole was one of my earliest acknowledgements of dominance based on physical size.
To young me, the rope held the power. It held the ball and kept it close. It is where the energy of the game was carried.
Recently, I’ve returned to those memories. Now, I see the rope as the most vulnerable. Of all the items, it is the most easily cut or destroyed. It is the least durable.
This is an important analogy to life because we grow up learning that security is rooted in relationship. We all get a starter pack of relationships in the presence of the family we grow up in. It grows from there through friendship, intimate relationships, religious, employment, and other interpersonal scenarios.
Sometimes, these can leave us tethered in places we don’t belong. It goes against good girl culture to remove ourselves from rooms and relationships that don’t serve us. It goes against traditional (but false) religious teaching to expect that we want to be served by others and the relationships we’re involved in.
It goes against a lot of things to cut ties with the past and hold people accountable for what they did long ago.
But it isn’t wrong. Doing something that isn’t well tolerated by society is not the same as doing wrong.
Don’t get those things confused. When you see someone cutting a rope that tethers them, don’t judge them. Don’t question them or their decision. Cheer for them.
It is not easy to be the decider when you want to leave the past behind. Because when you first step away from it, the world feels cold and lonely until you acclimate to the freedom. Fortunately, we differ from the ball in that we have free will. We have the agency and the tools to cut the rope.
If you’re feeling tethered and you’re ready to separate yourself from a place you don’t wish to be anchored, I’ve got a mighty fine knife I’m happy to lend you.
